Three movies, two nights

It seems that all my fellow bloggers have gotten into the movie reviewing business, so why shouldn’t I? But I’m not very verbose or learned in the techniques of plot structure or character development, so my reviews are not going to be a long conversation with four dollar words on topics you and I do not understand or care about…Me likes what me likes, and dislikes what me dislikes. I can tell you if a movie is good or bad. That’s about it.

So this weekend I rented three movies — Eastern Promises, which is nominated for an Oscar; the Heartbreak Kid, a Farrelly Bros. movie with Ben Stiller and Good Luck Chuck. Here is what I thought of them.

Eastern Promises 

This movie is set in London stars Viggo Mortensen as a Russian mobster and Naomi Watts as a doctor who delivers a baby from a young girl who dies. Watts finds a journal of the unknown girl, gets it translated and figures out that the girl was raped by an old Russian mobster. Other stuff happens. Good times.

I didn’t really like it all that much. In fact, for a mob movie, it was very boring. All the parts were there: Russian mafia, Naomi Watts, sex, violence, Naomi Watts. But I just wasn’t in the mood for it for some reason. And the smirky accents from Mortensen and the other mobsters made me long for Rocky to come in the room and “show them a lot of changin’.”

I can’t see this movie winning an Oscar, although it probably will because the academy has a soft spot for steaming piles of, well, bad movie.

Me, well, I couldn’t stay awake. the whole movie has light music in the background, and with little action on the screen it lulled me to sleep.

Rating: 2 cheeseburgers (out of five) 

The Heartbreak Kid 

OK, so it wasn’t the best Farelly Bros. movie ever. That is Dumb and Dumber. It’s not even Kingpin. Heck, it’s not even There’s Something About Mary.

But it was pretty good. Jerry Stiller and Rob Corddry saved it, but weren’t in it enough. And the brunette (Michelle Monoghan) was smokin’.

With plenty of laughs, it was about what you have to expect out of the Farrelly Bros. these days. But lord do I long for another movie from the brothers that makes me pee my pants again. No, wait. That never happened.

Rating: 2 and a half cheeseburgers (out of five) and a lottery ticket (just for the promise or hope of something more.

Good Luck Chuck

Boy, I would sure like to have those two hours back I spent on this crappy movie that was essentially a vehicle for Dane Cook to have sex with lots of women and show off his crappy, stolen stand-up routine. I hate that guy. He is not funny.

Jessica Alba is in it, but though she is one of the hottest women on the planet I just cannot get past her lack of acting skills. She is awful. She should just stick to silent roles or modeling.

Rating: I award this movie no cheeseburgers, and may God have mercy on its soul. 

It won’t purty

Each year about this time, I dust off the sticks and head out to the course for the first golf outing of the calendar year. And as the title to this post suggests, it’s never pretty. Toward the end of the year, it gets better, but that first round after a winter-long layoff is always downright bad. 

 

I played on the golf team in high school and took it as a PE class in college, but have never received any true lessons. So suffice it to say that my swing looks like an unfolding lawn chair, to quote Tin Cup. 

 

When I played every day on the golf team, I got my score down into the 80s on occasion, but have steadily regressed since. Last year we played a little more than in years prior, though, so by the end of the summer I was shooting in the mid 90s. 

My first round of 2008 happened yesterday, when Gordon Anderson, Billy Liggett and I hit Sanford Golf Course for a nasty round of bad golf on what was otherwise a pristine day.

This summer, I want to get better. I’m planning to buy one of those huge, forgiving drivers at some point, probably when I get my tax refund back.

 

This year, we three duffers also plan to provide you blog readers with in-depth coverage of our escapades on the course. We hope to play rounds with some officials in the area, and document them. We are also thinking of a points system for bad golfers.

 

Stay tuned.